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<Comment deleted by user>
Blog posts like this remind me why I chose lichess as my favorite chess platform <3
Excellent post. I've been thinking about the male role models turning out to be awful people thing too. I think it's a bit like the "nobody who actually wants to be in charge should be allowed to be in charge" thing with politics... I think that a lot of people cover over their problematic personalities by spinning themselves as the opposite, and because they're already very manipulative it can take in a lot of people who don't really know them. We need to be careful of those people in chess.
Terrible post, imo. Must be coming from a beta male, I'm guessing? He was a man at one point in his life, but found being a man too hard (which MANY do) and became more emotional and less stoic due to the difficulty. Being stoic is a STRENGTH! If it were easy to be stoic, everyone would do it, but it's not easy, so not everyone can be stoic (keep emotions completely in "check"). Same as being skinny/fit. It's hard to be skinny and fit. It takes major effort. If it were easy, everyone would be slender/fit. But most people are obese/unfit.
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"Masculinity in Scotland, at least when I grew up, was celebrated for its harshness. The fight. The drink. The drugs. The sex. That’s what made a man.
It took a long time for me to move away from that as I battled those stereotypes through adolescence and beyond. And I still struggle.
All of this came at a cost. Depression. Questioning the meaning of life. Numbing myself with drugs. Isolation. Shame."
Don't "struggle" or "battle" with certain stereotypes... EMBRACE them and learn how to master them like a real man has done for thousands of years. This is what real men should tell young men that are finding it too hard to be a man.
We all have our opinions, and this is mine, so don't get emotional about it.
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"Masculinity in Scotland, at least when I grew up, was celebrated for its harshness. The fight. The drink. The drugs. The sex. That’s what made a man.
It took a long time for me to move away from that as I battled those stereotypes through adolescence and beyond. And I still struggle.
All of this came at a cost. Depression. Questioning the meaning of life. Numbing myself with drugs. Isolation. Shame."
Don't "struggle" or "battle" with certain stereotypes... EMBRACE them and learn how to master them like a real man has done for thousands of years. This is what real men should tell young men that are finding it too hard to be a man.
We all have our opinions, and this is mine, so don't get emotional about it.
@ImaNubcake said in #6:
> Terrible post, imo. Must be coming from a beta male, I'm guessing? He was a man at one point in his life, but found being a man too hard (which MANY do) and became more emotional and less stoic due to the difficulty. Being stoic is a STRENGTH! If it were easy to be stoic, everyone would do it, but it's not easy, so not everyone can be stoic (keep emotions completely in "check"). Same as being skinny/fit. It's hard to be skinny and fit. It takes major effort. If it were easy, everyone would be slender/fit. But most people are obese/unfit.
>
> ------
> "Masculinity in Scotland, at least when I grew up, was celebrated for its harshness. The fight. The drink. The drugs. The sex. That’s what made a man.
> It took a long time for me to move away from that as I battled those stereotypes through adolescence and beyond. And I still struggle.
> All of this came at a cost. Depression. Questioning the meaning of life. Numbing myself with drugs. Isolation. Shame."
>
> Don't "struggle" or "battle" with certain stereotypes... EMBRACE them and learn how to master them like a real man has done for thousands of years. This is what real men should tell young men that are finding it too hard to be a man.
>
> We all have our opinions, and this is mine, so don't get emotional about it.
well considering you violated TOS, I'm inclined to believe that you are one of these "beta" males
> Terrible post, imo. Must be coming from a beta male, I'm guessing? He was a man at one point in his life, but found being a man too hard (which MANY do) and became more emotional and less stoic due to the difficulty. Being stoic is a STRENGTH! If it were easy to be stoic, everyone would do it, but it's not easy, so not everyone can be stoic (keep emotions completely in "check"). Same as being skinny/fit. It's hard to be skinny and fit. It takes major effort. If it were easy, everyone would be slender/fit. But most people are obese/unfit.
>
> ------
> "Masculinity in Scotland, at least when I grew up, was celebrated for its harshness. The fight. The drink. The drugs. The sex. That’s what made a man.
> It took a long time for me to move away from that as I battled those stereotypes through adolescence and beyond. And I still struggle.
> All of this came at a cost. Depression. Questioning the meaning of life. Numbing myself with drugs. Isolation. Shame."
>
> Don't "struggle" or "battle" with certain stereotypes... EMBRACE them and learn how to master them like a real man has done for thousands of years. This is what real men should tell young men that are finding it too hard to be a man.
>
> We all have our opinions, and this is mine, so don't get emotional about it.
well considering you violated TOS, I'm inclined to believe that you are one of these "beta" males
@botswanafan said in #7:
> well considering you violated TOS, I'm inclined to believe that you are one of these "beta" males
Thanks for sharing your opinion! ;)
> well considering you violated TOS, I'm inclined to believe that you are one of these "beta" males
Thanks for sharing your opinion! ;)
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As I showed my wife my post tonight and shared with her my deeper thoughts, she said, "You should post what you really think. Tell them what you told me. If you help one young man that's finding it difficult to be a "real man" like you say, doesn't that mean you made a difference? Who cares if people hate your opinion? There will be some people that are searching for the truth and they will understand." What she said stopped me and I had no rebuttal. So here I am...
The OP wrote, "All of this came at a cost. Depression. Questioning the meaning of life. Numbing myself with drugs. Isolation. Shame." He hasn't yet realized that ALL people have these thoughts, male or female. Also, we all have these thoughts REGARDLESS OF WHICH STEREOTYPES WE FIT. This is a universal truth; that none of us are special and we all share the majority of the same insecurities and question the meaning of life (this is a sign of evolving and strength, imo).
The OP wrote, "And this is how men faced life, unfazed and emotionless..." - This is a silly statement that an emotional male would say. Real men are not emotionless. We show emotion when the proper time unfolds. It may not be very often though. We love our children and wives and others and tell them so with sentences like, "You are my universe. I love you with everything I am. I'm very grateful for you." That is expressing emotion. However, WE NEVER USE EMOTION WHEN DEBATING. There is no room for emotion in logical debates. Real men may not cry and bawl, but we express to others that we love and appreciate them in logical sentences.
The OP said, "Imagine the roles reversed. You turn up at your local book club, poker club, sports club and you are the only man amongst hundreds of women. Really imagine that for a minute. You might not go back, even if everyone was pretty reasonable towards you." WHY WOULD YOU NOT GO BACK IF EVERYONE WAS REASONABLE WITH YOU?! I showed my wife these sentences from the OP and she looked me dead in the eye as she smiled wide and said, "You'd be thanking God that you were surrounded by HUNDREDS of fun, beautiful, intelligent chess women! Dream come true for any man! Are you trying to make me jealous?!" She was laughing and grabbing my arm while saying this because she knew it was all in good fun but yet, many truths are involved.
There are many other things that I could comment on in regards to the OP, but I understand he is very young and brainwashed by the current propaganda into thinking that being a real man is bad. And when I say "brainwashed", I mean that we are ALL brainwashed in certain ways. We are conditioned by the media that we read (this is why I don't read or watch the media/news).
And I must agree with the OP when he said, "Take action against (sexual) abuse, misogyny and overall sexism in the chess world." This is a MUST. But we also should remember that it will be a very small percentage of incidents. 99% of chess players are respectful towards each other. Some people like to focus on the 1%, or even .01%, of incidents that occur and that's fine by me. But I would never generalize and say, "There is a problem within chess!" like they do. I would rather focus on the 99%. Again, I understand some people like to focus on the 1% of negative incidents and then make generalizations; it's just not my style.
As I mentioned, there are other things I want to comment on, but I feel like it may be a waste. I've given this as much energy as I would care to right now. I hope the young men out there that are struggling to be a real man understand that all of us REAL MEN struggled as well. It is not easy to be a real man. It is difficult. But never forget that you can do it. Stay stoic, stay strong, stay logical, stay manly.
The OP wrote, "All of this came at a cost. Depression. Questioning the meaning of life. Numbing myself with drugs. Isolation. Shame." He hasn't yet realized that ALL people have these thoughts, male or female. Also, we all have these thoughts REGARDLESS OF WHICH STEREOTYPES WE FIT. This is a universal truth; that none of us are special and we all share the majority of the same insecurities and question the meaning of life (this is a sign of evolving and strength, imo).
The OP wrote, "And this is how men faced life, unfazed and emotionless..." - This is a silly statement that an emotional male would say. Real men are not emotionless. We show emotion when the proper time unfolds. It may not be very often though. We love our children and wives and others and tell them so with sentences like, "You are my universe. I love you with everything I am. I'm very grateful for you." That is expressing emotion. However, WE NEVER USE EMOTION WHEN DEBATING. There is no room for emotion in logical debates. Real men may not cry and bawl, but we express to others that we love and appreciate them in logical sentences.
The OP said, "Imagine the roles reversed. You turn up at your local book club, poker club, sports club and you are the only man amongst hundreds of women. Really imagine that for a minute. You might not go back, even if everyone was pretty reasonable towards you." WHY WOULD YOU NOT GO BACK IF EVERYONE WAS REASONABLE WITH YOU?! I showed my wife these sentences from the OP and she looked me dead in the eye as she smiled wide and said, "You'd be thanking God that you were surrounded by HUNDREDS of fun, beautiful, intelligent chess women! Dream come true for any man! Are you trying to make me jealous?!" She was laughing and grabbing my arm while saying this because she knew it was all in good fun but yet, many truths are involved.
There are many other things that I could comment on in regards to the OP, but I understand he is very young and brainwashed by the current propaganda into thinking that being a real man is bad. And when I say "brainwashed", I mean that we are ALL brainwashed in certain ways. We are conditioned by the media that we read (this is why I don't read or watch the media/news).
And I must agree with the OP when he said, "Take action against (sexual) abuse, misogyny and overall sexism in the chess world." This is a MUST. But we also should remember that it will be a very small percentage of incidents. 99% of chess players are respectful towards each other. Some people like to focus on the 1%, or even .01%, of incidents that occur and that's fine by me. But I would never generalize and say, "There is a problem within chess!" like they do. I would rather focus on the 99%. Again, I understand some people like to focus on the 1% of negative incidents and then make generalizations; it's just not my style.
As I mentioned, there are other things I want to comment on, but I feel like it may be a waste. I've given this as much energy as I would care to right now. I hope the young men out there that are struggling to be a real man understand that all of us REAL MEN struggled as well. It is not easy to be a real man. It is difficult. But never forget that you can do it. Stay stoic, stay strong, stay logical, stay manly.