Mastering The Art Of Effective Social Interactions

Introduction

When you're not progressing toward your goals at the pace you would like, you typically look to your actions (or lack of action) as the most likely cause of 'failure'.

However, we also understand that we are much more likely to succeed when surrounded (and spending a lot of time with) others who have already achieved what we are working toward (along with peers at a similar stage of our journey and helping those at an earlier stage - see Altucher's +1/=/-1 concept for more details).

Diminishing Returns In Social Interactions

But there are limits to this. After reflecting on why I generally don't 'click' with my wife's social circle, I realised that social interactions have diminishing returns (based on the number of interactions, not necessarily the duration of the conversation, to be precise).

Rather than lazily referring to studies to support the verdict, let's understand how a focus on quantity, rather than quality, of social interaction may be limiting your improvement and decision-making in general:

1. Psychological Saturation

One of the main benefits of social interaction is the emotional and psychological well-being we derive from such interaction and companionship. However, there is a limit to such a benefit. Not only may we cease to derive further benefit, we may even experience negative feelings of overwhelm or other distress (especially for introverts, but I've also experienced it many times as an ambivert).

2. About The Theory Of Diminishing Returns

This economic theory refers to the phenomenon in production processes, where the same input unit leads to a progressively smaller output. Of course, the 'optimal' level of social interaction will vary based on the person, what that person needs most, and who/whom someone is conversing with.

3. Opportunity Cost

Since we have limited resources (time, energy) daily, focusing too much on social interactions may deprive us of time for more valuable things. This may sound like a truism, but it is also rooted in 'decision fatigue', where the more decisions we make without sufficient rest/recovery, the lower the quality of our subsequent decisions. And every response in a social interaction represents one such decision, even though it will almost always be automatic.

4. Quality vs. Quantity

Studies have shown that humans can only realistically keep 3-5 close friends simultaneously. Deeper, more meaningful relationships may not germinate/maintain if one's attention is spread too thinly, much like the superficiality of blitz/bullet chess compared to classical play.

Usually, I would stop here, but if you don't mind, I'd like to share a wild prediction that will forever change how we interact.

Applying The Pareto Principle To Social Interactions

I have become much more selective in who I communicate with and for how long. This resulted from reflections, where I realised how shallow most of my interactions were and how they were not really furthering me toward my goals or providing much value for the other person.

This may sound very cold, but it simply applies the Pareto principle (80/20) to interactions. Of course, I am human, and sometimes I forget to reply when I mean to (I already thought of one such instance as I type this), but I do my best.

Is there a risk that I don't reach out to someone who could transform my life? Sure, but we're working with probabilities rather than blind hope.

My Wild Prediction

Within the next 25 years, we will have AI 'extensions' that will quickly calculate the expected value of a future social interaction for two parties - much like a dating site trying to match two suitable people together for a potential relationship.

There'll still be the 'old school' people who engage with others based on a mix of feeling/perception/intuition (and as a naturally more intuitive type, I relate to this). But things will become increasingly formulaic, and actions that seem 'ugly' in modern society will be normalised as just making the best decisions, regardless of how they look (much like 'It's not personal, Sonny. It's strictly business' from the Godfather).

A Simple Formula For Calculating Expected Value From A Future Social Interaction

I lack the knowledge or wisdom to know how exactly this script will look, but this is a possible starting point:

1. Relevance (R) - How relevant will the conversation be for my topics or interests?

2. Expertise (E)—What is the other person's level of expertise/knowledge in those topics?

3. Engagement (E) - What is the likely range of engagement or interest the other person will show during the interaction?

4. Outcome Utility (U) - How practical/useful will the likely information gained be for me? How valuable will the outcome of this interaction be for me?

5. Opportunity Cost (T)—How much time and energy will this interaction take? Could this time and energy be invested more effectively?

Of course, this formula will also be reversed, where our own 'scores' in these 5 tenets will determine whether we can provide significant value to another person in an interaction or waste our time.

Let's Hear From You

But what's your feeling on these insights? Do you disagree with some of them? Do you have an expansion on these ideas or a clarifying question?

Let me know in the comments.